Do you need to do a pre-marriage course before you get married?

No. There isn’t a legal requirement for couples to complete a pre-marriage course before getting married in Australia.

But that doesn’t mean one isn’t worth considering.

A good pre-marriage course isn’t about teaching you how to have a perfect marriage. It’s an opportunity to slow down, talk about some of the things that matter and make sure you’re having the conversations that can be easy to put off when life is busy.

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There are different types of pre-marriage courses and relationship education programs, so they aren’t all structured in exactly the same way.

Generally, though, they give couples a structured way to talk about areas such as:

• communication and how you each express what you need
• how you handle disagreements and conflict
• money, debts and financial expectations
• household responsibilities and everyday life
• whether you want children and how you imagine family life
• boundaries and expectations around family and friends
• work, time together and the things you each value

Some programs also use structured questionnaires or assessments to help couples identify differences in communication styles, expectations or approaches to particular issues.

The value isn’t necessarily in having the “right” answers. It’s in knowing what each other thinks before you’re faced with those decisions in the middle of everyday life.

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You don’t have to enrol in a formal course to start doing this work together.

If you’re engaged, these are seven conversations I’d encourage you to have before the wedding — whether you work through them yourselves or use a structured course to help guide you.

1. How do we want to spend our time?

Work, family, friends and other commitments can easily fill a week. Talk about how much time you each need for yourselves, how you want to spend time together and what happens when those priorities compete.

You might talk about:

• how you make time for each other
• how much independence you both need
• work boundaries and expectations
• how you handle weeks when life gets particularly busy

2. What do we actually expect from each other?

You may already know each other incredibly well, but that doesn’t mean you automatically have the same expectations about married life.

Talk about the things that can otherwise become assumptions:

• where you want to live
• career plans
• how you make decisions together
• what support looks like when one of you is struggling
• what you each think marriage should look and feel like

3. How will we share the everyday stuff?

Housework and household responsibilities aren’t particularly romantic topics, but they’re part of real life.

Talk about who naturally takes responsibility for cooking, cleaning, shopping, bills, appointments and the endless small jobs that keep a household running.

The goal isn’t necessarily a perfectly equal list of jobs. It’s making sure neither person quietly ends up carrying the responsibility for everything.

4. How do we handle disagreement?

Every couple disagrees. The important question isn’t whether you’ll have arguments, but how you’ll handle them when you do.

It can be useful to talk about:

• what tends to happen when either of you is angry
• whether you prefer to talk immediately or need some space
• how you can disagree without attacking each other
• how you come back together after an argument

If there are serious issues such as violence, coercion or significant trust problems, that’s different again. That’s a situation where appropriate professional support is much more important than simply working through a relationship exercise together.

5. What role will family and friends have in our marriage?

Family can be one of the great joys of married life, but it can also be an area where couples have very different expectations.

Talk about family traditions, holidays, how often you want to see relatives, how involved family members should be in your decisions and what boundaries feel comfortable to both of you.

You don’t need to choose between your families. You’re working out what your own family unit looks like and how the people you love fit into it.

6. Do we want children, and what does that mean for us?

This is one of those conversations where assumptions can cause real problems later.

If children are something you’re considering, talk honestly about whether you both want them, how you imagine family life, how you feel about parenting responsibilities and what matters to you around education, culture and finances.

And if one of you isn’t sure, that’s worth talking about too. “We’ll work it out later” isn’t always a useful plan when the question is this important.

7. How are we going to handle money?

Money is one of the most practical things you’ll share, and people can have very different ideas about spending, saving, debt and financial security.

Before you get married, talk about:

• existing debts and financial commitments
• short- and long-term financial goals
• whether you’ll combine finances or keep some money separate
• how you’ll approach major purchases
• how you’ll manage everyday household expenses

You don’t need to solve your entire financial future in one conversation. Being open about where you are now is a very good place to start.

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There isn’t a particular type of couple who “needs” a pre-marriage course.

It can be useful for couples who already have a strong relationship and simply want to be intentional about the next stage of their lives together.

It can also be particularly worthwhile if:

• you’re entering marriage with very different family backgrounds
• you haven’t talked much about money or children
• you’re combining households
• one or both of you has been married before
• you’re about to make a major change such as moving, changing careers or starting a family
• you simply want some dedicated time to talk about your future together

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These terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but they’re not quite the same thing.

A pre-marriage course or relationship education program is generally about building skills, exploring expectations and giving couples a structured opportunity to have important conversations before marriage.

Couples counselling is different. It can be more appropriate when a couple is already experiencing a significant issue and wants professional help to understand or work through it.

There’s no shame in either option. Asking for help early can be a very sensible thing to do.

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That’s completely fine.

A formal course can provide structure, exercises and someone to guide the conversation, but you can also create your own version of marriage preparation.

Pick one topic each week and give yourselves an hour without phones, wedding planning or other distractions. You could work through:

1. our expectations of married life
2. money and financial goals
3. children and family life
4. household responsibilities
5. family boundaries and traditions
6. communication and conflict
7. how we want to spend our time together

The important part is not completing a checklist. It’s creating enough space for honest conversations.

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Do we have to complete a pre-marriage course to get married?

No. A pre-marriage course is not a legal requirement for couples getting married in Australia. Your celebrant will guide you through the legal requirements that do apply to your marriage.

When should we do a pre-marriage course?

Whenever it feels useful to you. I’d generally rather see a couple have these conversations while they have plenty of time and headspace than squeeze them into the final weeks before a wedding when everything else is happening at once.

Is a pre-marriage course worth doing if our relationship is already strong?

It can be. You don’t have to be experiencing problems to benefit from talking deliberately about money, family, children, communication and your expectations for married life.

What if we’re already having relationship problems?

It depends on the nature of the problem. If there is an issue that you keep getting stuck on, consider speaking with a qualified relationship counsellor or therapist. A general marriage preparation course isn’t necessarily designed to address significant existing difficulties.

Do we need to agree on everything before we get married?

No. Differences are normal. What’s more important is knowing where those differences are, being able to talk about them respectfully and having a way to make decisions together.

What other practical things should we discuss before marriage?

Alongside the relationship questions, it can be sensible to talk about wills and estate planning, financial arrangements, future living plans and any other major decisions that will affect your life together. For legal, financial or tax advice, speak with the relevant qualified professional.

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