What Does a Celebrant Say at a Wedding? It Starts With Your Story
If you’ve never had a wedding celebrant before, you might wonder what they actually say during the ceremony.
There are a few things your celebrant needs to say because they are part of the legal marriage ceremony. But most of what makes a ceremony feel personal isn’t prescribed at all.
That part starts with you.
A note from Eliza
When I write a ceremony, I’m not looking for the perfect love story or trying to make your relationship sound like someone else’s. I’m trying to understand the two people standing in front of me — how you met, what you love about each other, the things that make you laugh, the people who matter to you and what getting married means to you.
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So, what does a celebrant actually say at a wedding?
A wedding ceremony usually brings together a mixture of legal requirements and personal content.
Your celebrant will guide everyone through the ceremony, introduce the occasion, talk about the two of you, explain or introduce different parts of the ceremony, and help the whole thing move naturally from one moment to the next.
Depending on the ceremony, that might include your story, your families, readings, music, personal vows, ring exchange, cultural or family traditions and the things you’ve chosen to include.
There are also specific legal words that must be included as part of an Australian marriage ceremony. Your celebrant will take care of these and guide you through the legal vows and signing of the required documents.
But the part you are probably most curious about — what your celebrant will actually say about you — comes from getting to know you.
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Your story is where the ceremony begins
One of the most important parts of working with a celebrant is letting them get to know you.
I don’t mean knowing your wedding date, venue and the names of your bridal party. Those things are useful, but they don’t tell me much about the relationship itself.
I want to understand what makes the two of you tick.
That might start with something as simple as how you met. From there, a conversation can lead somewhere completely different. Maybe you lived together before you officially became a couple. Maybe one of you moved across the country. Maybe you were friends first. Maybe you met online. Maybe your first date was wonderfully ordinary.
There isn’t a particular kind of story that makes a good ceremony. What matters is finding the details that help your guests understand something about the two of you.
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What will your celebrant want to know about you?
Every celebrant has their own way of getting to know a couple. For me, it’s less about filling in a questionnaire perfectly and more about having a conversation and noticing the details that make your relationship yours.
Some of the things we might talk about include:
- How you met and what your first impressions were
- How your relationship developed
- What you enjoy doing together
- The things you admire about each other
- Funny, memorable or slightly ridiculous moments you’ve shared
- Important people in your lives
- Places that have significance to your relationship
- Things you’ve experienced or worked through together
- What you’re looking forward to in married life
- Why getting married feels right for you now
- Anything you’d particularly like included — or left out
Some couples have lots to say straight away. Others need a little prompting. Both are completely normal.
Something to consider
Don’t worry if you think your story is ordinary. Most couples aren’t sitting on a dramatic movie plot. Often it’s the small things — the habits, jokes, places, people and everyday moments — that tell me much more about a relationship.
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You don’t need to have an amazing “how we met” story
This is worth saying because couples sometimes worry that their story isn’t interesting enough.
Maybe you met at work. Maybe a friend introduced you. Maybe you matched on an app. Maybe you’ve known each other since school. Maybe one of you doesn’t even remember the first time you met.
That’s fine.
The interesting part isn’t necessarily the beginning. It might be the moment you realised this was becoming something serious. It might be the way you supported each other through a difficult year. It might be the ridiculous thing you both still laugh about. It might be the quiet routine you’ve built together.
My job isn’t to turn your relationship into a fairytale. It’s to find the parts that are genuinely you and work out how they can help tell the story of the two people getting married.
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Your wedding setting can become part of the story too
Your celebrant will also want to understand where you’re getting married and why you’ve chosen that place.
A beach ceremony might have a completely different feeling from a wedding at home, a garden ceremony or a celebration overlooking Sydney Harbour. But the location itself isn’t necessarily the story.
Maybe it’s somewhere you’ve spent years together. Maybe it’s close to where you live. Maybe it’s simply somewhere you both love. Maybe you chose it because you wanted everyone you care about in one place.
Those little pieces of context can help make the ceremony feel connected to the day rather than like a speech that could have been delivered anywhere.
A practical tip
Tell your celebrant why you’ve chosen your venue, not just where it is. That one extra piece of information can sometimes give them a much better understanding of what the setting means to you.
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You also get to decide what stays private
Getting personal doesn’t mean handing your celebrant permission to say absolutely everything you’ve ever told them.
You should feel comfortable telling your celebrant if there are subjects, stories or details you’d rather they didn’t mention during the ceremony.
Perhaps there’s a funny story that is hilarious between the two of you but would make one of your parents slightly nervous. Perhaps there’s a difficult family situation that you don’t want discussed publicly. Perhaps you simply don’t like being the centre of attention and want the ceremony to be understated.
Your celebrant should be able to work with that. The aim isn’t to reveal everything. It’s to find the right things to share.
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So how does your story become a ceremony?
This is the part that can be difficult to see from the couple’s side.
You might have a long conversation with your celebrant, share pages of notes, answer questions about your relationship and talk through all sorts of memories. That doesn’t mean every detail will appear in the final ceremony.
Your celebrant is looking for the threads that connect everything together. They might notice that:
- you both value family more than you initially realised
- travel has played a big part in your relationship
- one of you brings calm while the other brings spontaneity
- your relationship is full of humour
- you’ve built a life around a particular place, community or shared interest
- what you value most is actually something very simple about everyday life together
Those themes can then influence the way the ceremony is written and the moments that are given space.
The ceremony still needs a structure, and there are legal elements that have to be included, but the words around those elements can be shaped around the two of you.
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You don’t have to write the ceremony yourself
One of the benefits of having a celebrant is that you don’t need to sit down and work out exactly what should be said.
You bring the information, ideas, preferences and stories. Your celebrant brings the experience of turning those things into a ceremony that works when spoken aloud, in front of the people you care about.
If you want something funny, say so. If you want something short and simple, say so. If you don’t want a big romantic speech about your relationship, that’s useful to know too.
You don’t need to arrive with a finished idea. Part of the celebrant’s job is helping you work out what belongs in your ceremony in the first place.
The important bit
A good ceremony isn’t created by finding the most impressive words. It’s created by understanding what is true about the people getting married, then giving those things the right amount of space.
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What if you don’t know what you want your ceremony to say?
That’s completely fine.
In fact, most couples don’t arrive knowing exactly what they want their celebrant to say. You might know that you don’t want anything too formal. You might know that you want your family involved. You might want the ceremony to be funny but still meaningful. Or you might simply know that you don’t want it to feel like every other wedding you’ve been to.
That’s enough to start with.
A conversation with your celebrant should help you work out the rest. If you’d like more guidance on the overall process, you can also read my wedding ceremony process or my guide to planning a ceremony that feels like you.
Frequently asked questions
Does a celebrant tell your story at the wedding?
They can, and for many personalised ceremonies the couple’s story forms an important part of the ceremony. How much of it is shared is completely up to you. Some couples enjoy having their story told in detail, while others prefer something shorter and more understated.
What questions does a wedding celebrant ask?
This varies between celebrants, but questions often cover how you met, your relationship, important memories, family and friends, what you value about each other and what you’d like your ceremony to feel like. Your celebrant may also ask what you don’t want included.
Do we have to tell our celebrant everything?
No. You should feel comfortable telling your celebrant what you’re happy to have shared publicly and what you’d prefer to keep private. The goal is to create a ceremony that feels personal, not to tell every detail of your relationship.
Does a celebrant write the whole wedding ceremony?
Your celebrant will usually help shape and write the ceremony with you, although the exact process varies. You can provide your ideas, stories, vows, readings and preferences while your celebrant works those elements into a ceremony with a natural flow.
What does a celebrant have to say for a legal wedding ceremony?
Australian marriage ceremonies have specific legal requirements, including words that the authorised celebrant must say and legal vows that the couple must make. Your celebrant should guide you through these requirements as part of preparing your ceremony. The rest of the ceremony can be shaped around you.
The takeaway
Your celebrant can’t tell your story until they know you
The legal parts of a marriage ceremony are important, but they’re only one part of what your celebrant does.
The personal part comes from conversation. Tell your celebrant how you met, what matters to you, the things you love about each other, the people who belong in your story and the things you’d rather leave unsaid. You don’t need to have the perfect story or know exactly what you want. You just need to be yourselves and let your celebrant get to know you.
Want to talk about your ceremony?
If you’re looking for a ceremony that feels personal, relaxed and genuinely like the two of you, I’d love to hear your story and talk through what you’re planning.
