Writing your own wedding vows can feel like a lovely idea until you actually sit down with a blank page.

What are you supposed to say? How personal should they be? How long should they be? And how do you make sure they sound like something you would actually say to your partner, rather than something copied from a wedding website?

After conducting wedding ceremonies, one thing I’ve learned is that the best vows aren’t necessarily the most polished ones. They are the ones that sound like the couple saying them.

Do you have to write your own wedding vows? No. Personal wedding vows are optional. In Australia, there are legally required words that each person must say during a marriage ceremony conducted by an authorised celebrant. You can then choose to add your own personal vows, whether they are traditional, personalised, funny, emotional or a combination.

What are wedding vows? Wedding vows are the promises and commitments a couple makes to each other during their wedding ceremony. They can be traditional, personal, humorous, emotional or a combination of different styles.

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The easiest way to start writing wedding vows is usually not to start with the vows at all. Start by thinking about your relationship.

Think about how you met, the things you’ve been through together, the ordinary parts of life you love, and the moments that changed your relationship. Think about what your partner brings out in you and the qualities you admire most in them.

You might find it helpful to write down answers to questions like:

• What did I first notice about them?
• What is something they do that always makes me laugh?
• When have I felt most supported by them?
• What little things about them would I miss if they weren’t there?
• What have we learned about each other?
• What kind of person do I want to be for them?

You don’t need to use all of these answers in your vows. They are simply a way of getting your thoughts moving.

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The word “vows” can make the whole exercise sound more formal than it needs to be. At their heart, your vows are simply the promises you want to make to each other as you begin your married life.

Some promises might be big:

• I promise to support you through whatever comes our way.
• I promise to keep choosing you.
• I promise to build a life with you that feels like ours.

But some of the best promises are much more specific to your relationship:

• I promise to let you have the last piece of pizza. Most of the time.
• I promise to keep making space for Sunday morning coffees together.
• I promise to remind you to slow down when you’re trying to do everything at once.

The more specific the promise, the more likely it is to feel like it belongs to the two of you.

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This is probably the most useful piece of advice I can give you.

If you don’t normally say things like “my beloved” or “our souls are forever intertwined”, your wedding probably isn’t the day to suddenly start.

Your vows should sound like you talking to your partner — just perhaps with a little more thought behind the words than usual.

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You don’t need to know exactly what your finished vows will look like before you begin. A simple structure can give you somewhere to start.

Try working through these five parts:

1. Start with your partner. Say something about who they are to you.
2. Tell a small piece of your story. Choose a memory, moment or quality that says something about your relationship.
3. Say what you love. This can be heartfelt, funny, specific or all three.
4. Make your promises. Think about what you genuinely want to commit to.
5. Look ahead. Finish by talking about the life you are looking forward to building together.

Think of this as a framework, not a formula. You can leave things out, move things around or write something completely different once you get going.

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Your vows don’t have to be completely serious. They also don’t have to be funny. The right tone is the one that feels natural for your relationship.

Some couples are naturally sentimental. Others tease each other constantly. Some want their vows to be thoughtful and simple. Others want a mixture of emotion and humour.

A little humour can work beautifully, particularly when it comes from something real about your relationship. The important thing is that the humour doesn’t become the whole point of the vows.

If you are unsure, write naturally first. You can decide later whether you want to make something warmer, funnier or more understated.

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There is no single correct length for wedding vows. What matters most is that you have enough time to say something meaningful without turning the moment into a speech.

For many couples, somewhere around one to two minutes each is a comfortable starting point. You may decide you want less, or you may have more to say. That’s completely fine.

When editing, look for:

• Repeated ideas.
• Long explanations that don’t add anything new.
• Sentences that sound good on paper but awkward when spoken.
• Quotes you included because you felt you needed something “wedding-ish”.

Short and sincere is usually better than long and polished.

If you’re also thinking about the overall timing of your ceremony, you can read How Long Does a Wedding Ceremony Take?

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You don’t necessarily have to choose between traditional wedding vows and writing something completely personal.

Traditional vows

Traditional wording can suit couples who like the familiarity and simplicity of established marriage vows, or who want their ceremony to have a more formal feel.

Personalised vows

Personal vows give you space to talk about your relationship in your own words and make promises that are specific to the life you are building together.

A combination of both

For many couples, this is a lovely option. You can include the legally required words for a marriage ceremony in Australia, then add your own personal promises around them.

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It’s completely normal to need some inspiration before you start writing. Read other vows, poems or examples if they help you understand what you like.

But rather than looking for the perfect sentence to borrow, use those examples to work out what you want your own vows to feel like.

Some better places to look for inspiration are actually within your own relationship:

• Old messages between you.
• Photos from your early days together.
• Stories you tell your friends about how you met.
• Things your partner says or does that make you feel loved.
• Places you’ve travelled together.
• The ordinary routines that have become part of your life together.

Those details are usually much more meaningful than a beautiful sentence that could belong to anyone.

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Your first draft doesn’t need to be good. In fact, it’s often better if it isn’t. Get your thoughts down without worrying too much about how they sound.

Then come back and edit.

• Remove anything that feels repetitive.
• Replace formal language with words you actually use.
• Keep the specific details that make the vows yours.
• Make sure the promises are promises you genuinely mean.
• Check that the whole thing can be comfortably spoken aloud.

Reading your vows aloud is particularly important. Something can look beautiful on a screen and feel completely unnatural when spoken.

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Read your vows aloud several times before the wedding. This will help you work out where you naturally pause, which sentences are too long and whether you’ve written more than you can comfortably say.

You don’t necessarily need to memorise every word. Having your vows printed clearly or available in a format that is easy to read can take away a lot of pressure.

And don’t worry if you get emotional.

If your voice shakes, you laugh, you cry or you need to stop for a moment, that’s okay. You’re not giving a presentation. You’re talking to the person you’re marrying.

If you’re wondering whether you need to rehearse the ceremony itself, you can read Do You Need a Wedding Rehearsal?

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Not everyone loves the idea of sharing deeply personal words in front of a room full of people. That’s completely understandable.

You might choose to:

• Exchange personal vows privately before the ceremony.
• Write each other letters to read privately on the wedding day.
• Share your personal vows during the ceremony but keep them shorter and simpler.
• Keep the deeply personal parts private and say simpler vows in front of your guests.

There isn’t one right way to do this. The important thing is finding a version of the moment that feels comfortable for both of you.

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You don’t have to work out every detail of your vows on your own.

As your wedding celebrant, I can help you think through where your vows sit within the ceremony, how the legally required words fit alongside your personal promises, how long the ceremony should feel and what will work best for the two of you.

If you’re still working out what you want your ceremony to look like, you can also read more about my wedding ceremony process.

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Wedding Vow FAQs

Do wedding vows have to be legally specific in Australia?

There are legally required words that need to be said as part of a marriage ceremony conducted by an authorised celebrant. Section 45 of the Marriage Act 1961 provides that each person must say the required words, or words to that effect, in the presence of the authorised celebrant and witnesses. Your personal vows are separate from this legal requirement.

What are the legal vows in Australia?

In Australia, each person getting married must say the words required by section 45 of the Marriage Act 1961, or words to that effect, during the marriage ceremony. These legally required words are separate from the personal vows you choose to write for your partner.

Do you have to write your own wedding vows?

No. You do not have to write your own personal wedding vows. You can use traditional wording, write your own vows, combine traditional and personal vows, or choose to share personal promises privately. The legally required words for the marriage ceremony are separate from your personal vows.

Can we write our own wedding vows?

Yes. Personal wedding vows are a lovely way to include your own words, memories and promises in the ceremony. Your celebrant can help you work out how they fit alongside the legal requirements.

How long should wedding vows be?

There is no fixed legal length for personal vows. Around one to two minutes each is a useful starting point, but the right length depends on what you want to say and the overall shape of your ceremony.

Do we have to write our vows separately?

No. Some couples write their vows independently because they want the words to be a surprise. Others talk about the tone, length and promises together. Either approach can work.

Can wedding vows be funny?

Absolutely. If humour is part of your relationship, including something genuinely funny can make your vows feel much more like you. Just make sure the humour supports the meaning of the vows rather than taking over the whole moment.

Can we exchange vows privately?

Yes, you can choose to share personal words privately before or after the ceremony. Talk to your celebrant about how you would like to structure the ceremony and make sure the legally required parts are still covered. If you have questions about witnesses, you can also read Who Can Be a Wedding Witness in Australia?

What if I cry when I say my vows?

That’s completely okay. You don’t need to deliver your vows perfectly. Take a breath, pause if you need to and take your time. Your celebrant can help you through the moment.