Do You Need a Wedding Rehearsal? What Actually Happens

Do you need a wedding rehearsal?

If you’ve started planning your wedding, there’s a good chance someone has told you that you should have one. Maybe your venue has asked about it. Maybe your bridal party wants to know when you’re rehearsing. Or maybe you’ve simply assumed it’s one of those things every couple is supposed to do.

Here’s the honest answer from a celebrant: most couples don’t need to spend hours rehearsing their wedding ceremony.

A rehearsal can be genuinely useful, but it should solve a practical problem rather than become another wedding task you feel obliged to complete.

Some ceremonies have lots of moving parts and benefit from a proper walkthrough. Others are simple enough that a clear conversation beforehand is all you need.

A wedding rehearsal is essentially a practical walkthrough of your ceremony.

You’re not rehearsing how to be married. You’re making sure everyone who has a role in the ceremony understands what they need to do, where they need to be and roughly when they need to move.

Depending on your ceremony, that might include:

• where everyone starts
• who walks in and in what order
• where everyone stands once they reach the ceremony
• when the music starts and changes
• what happens with the rings
• what children or other participants need to do
• where people go at the end of the ceremony
• any particular cues or movements that need to happen at a specific time

It doesn’t need to be a performance. In fact, I generally think the ceremony itself should still feel natural and spontaneous on the day.

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No. A wedding rehearsal is not a legal requirement for getting married in Australia.

There are legal requirements that your celebrant needs to make sure are met, but rehearsing the ceremony isn’t one of them.

The Australian Government’s Code of Practice for Marriage Celebrants includes giving couples information and guidance to help them decide whether a ceremony rehearsal is needed or appropriate.

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For many couples, the answer is no.

If you have a straightforward ceremony, a small wedding party and a celebrant who has talked everyone through what is happening, there may not be much to gain from bringing everyone together for a separate rehearsal.

But there are also weddings where a rehearsal is genuinely useful.

A rehearsal is probably worthwhile if…

• you have a larger bridal party with several people entering separately
• there are several children involved in the ceremony
• people have specific roles or cues they need to understand
• the processional is more elaborate than simply walking down the aisle
• you have particular music cues that need coordinating
• your ceremony involves cultural, family or other elements that require some coordination
• the ceremony location is unfamiliar to most of the people involved
• you know that having a walkthrough will make you or your wedding party feel much more comfortable

You can probably skip it if…

• you’re having a small or intimate ceremony
• there are few or no formal entrances
• you have a small wedding party
• the ceremony structure is relatively simple
• your celebrant is providing clear guidance before the day
• there aren’t complicated music, movement or timing cues
• the rehearsal would mainly be happening because you think you’re supposed to have one

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If you do have a rehearsal, keep it practical.

There’s usually no need to stand there and read the entire ceremony from beginning to end. The useful part is working through the things people might otherwise be unsure about.

The processional

Work out who walks in first, who follows, where everyone starts and where they finish. This is particularly helpful when there are several attendants, children or family members involved.

Where everyone stands

This sounds obvious, but it’s one of the simplest things to clarify. Once everyone reaches the front, where do they actually go? Who stands beside whom? Where do children stand? Who holds the rings or flowers?

Music and cues

If somebody needs to start, stop or change music at a particular point, make sure everyone understands the cue. You don’t necessarily need to rehearse it ten times. Often, simply knowing who is responsible and what the cue is makes all the difference.

The rings

Decide who has the rings and when they need to come forward. If a child or another family member is carrying them, make sure they know what is expected.

The recessional

It can be surprisingly helpful to know what happens once you’re married. Who leaves first? What happens with the bridal party? Where do you go afterwards? You don’t need to choreograph it. You just want everyone to understand the general plan.

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This is one situation where a little preparation can be particularly useful.

The important thing is not to expect a child to perform perfectly. Children are children, and weddings are exciting, unfamiliar occasions.

Instead, make sure they understand the basics:

• where they will start
• who they will walk with
• where they will go afterwards
• who they can look to if they forget what to do

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Not necessarily.

Whether your celebrant attends will depend on your ceremony, what needs to be worked through and how your celebrant normally prepares couples.

For some weddings, having the celebrant there is useful because they can guide everyone through the ceremony and answer questions as they arise. For others, the practical walkthrough can be handled by the venue or wedding coordinator, with the celebrant having already talked everyone through their role.

What’s important is that someone is responsible for making sure the moving parts are clear.

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The words are often used interchangeably, but I think there’s a useful distinction.

A rehearsal can sound like you’re expected to practise the entire ceremony until everyone knows exactly what to do.

A walkthrough is often a better description of what you actually need: a calm run-through of the practical details so that everyone understands the plan.

I much prefer the second approach. Your wedding ceremony isn’t a theatre production that needs to be performed perfectly. It should feel like you.

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Nothing automatically goes wrong.

In many cases, the ceremony can run perfectly well without everyone having physically practised it beforehand.

A good celebrant should explain what is happening, help people understand their roles and be prepared to give direction on the day. You don’t need to memorise the ceremony or know exactly what happens next at every moment.

And there is something else worth remembering: your wedding day will never happen exactly the way you imagined it. Someone may walk a little too quickly. A child may wander off. The music might start a few seconds early. You might laugh halfway through your vows. That’s okay.

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There are some parts of your ceremony that I would generally rather you didn’t try to turn into a performance.

• Your reactions. You don’t need to practise how you’ll feel when you see each other.
• Your vows. You can prepare and think about what you want to say, but the moment itself should still be yours.
• Your expressions. There’s no right way to look emotional, happy or calm.
• Every tiny movement. You don’t need instructions for where to put your hands every second of the ceremony.
• How to be yourselves. This is the important one.

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When should we have our wedding rehearsal?

If you’re having one, it will usually be close enough to the wedding that everyone still remembers what they’ve been shown. The exact timing depends on your venue, wedding party and what needs to be coordinated.

Who should attend a wedding rehearsal?

Anyone who has an active role in the ceremony should know what they’re doing. That might include your bridal party, parents, children or other people taking part. You don’t need every wedding guest there.

Do we need to rehearse our vows?

You can absolutely practise your vows if it helps you feel comfortable. But you don’t need to perform them at a ceremony rehearsal. The aim of a rehearsal is usually to sort out the logistics, not to take away the first time you experience the ceremony together.

What if we have a large bridal party?

This is one of the situations where I would be more inclined to recommend a walkthrough. The more people who have a defined role, the more useful it can be to make sure everyone understands the sequence.

What if we’re having a very simple ceremony?

You may not need one at all. If you’re having a small ceremony with a straightforward entrance and very few moving parts, a conversation with your celebrant beforehand may give you everything you need.

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It’s:

“Would a rehearsal make this ceremony easier?”

If the answer is yes, have one. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to walk through everything beforehand, particularly if you have lots of people involved or simply want the reassurance of knowing how it will work.

If the answer is no, you can let it go. You haven’t missed an essential part of getting married.